Tag Archives: peanut butter

Seriously Low-Carb Tzatziki

2 Feb

It was requested the other day that I make some of this stuff to have around the house.  See, when you don’t eat a lot of carbs most days, butter tends to become your No. 1 condiment.  And while butter goes great on everything, there comes a time when you realize that you’d rather polish your shoes with it instead of melting it on even one more thing, ever.  Or for a long time, at least.

The challenge tzatziki presents is that while it is a relatively low-carb sauce, the greek yogurt required for the recipe will tend to have more carbs than you’d like.  FAGE, for example, runs about six carbs per seven-ounce serving.  Not bad, unless you’re hoping to crumble your bunless burger in a bowl of the stuff because you just can’t take it anymore.  One more slab of plain meat, and you’re on a rocket sled to the Hostess outlet.  You’re [thisclose] to taking a bath in Donettes.

My solution is this:  Instead of greek yogurt, use sour cream blended with ricotta.  (Mascarpone would work, too.)  Sour cream itself is, well, sour, obviously–much more so than you might think.  What’s more, it has the consistency of slime.

But what it doesn’t have is even one carb.  To take advantage of this, ricotta can be added to blunt the sour taste as well as thicken it.  You’ll need to toss the mixture in a blender or somehow otherwise machine-mix it, of course, as the textures are quite different; with this bit of extra work, though, you’re getting a base for your sauce that very well approximates the texture and taste of greek yogurt–but with zero carbs.

I won’t give you a recipe for this, however; you’re all too smart for that.  I can tell you that I used about a half-cup of ricotta with a full tub of sour cream, and that you might want to use more or less of either depending on your tastes, but honestly, tzatziki recipes are everywhere so you’ll just need to find one you like the best.  The trickiest thing about tzatziki is that the flavors need to steep for a long time, so salting it properly the first time just can’t be exact: The flavor really will change overnight.  Which really is not so tricky because unlike baking, you can always just add more of what you need until it tastes like you want.

I should maybe cook, like, regular food more often.

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Peanut Butter Cups: I Failed

3 Oct

Update:  I’m just gonna say it.  This looks like a vagina.

Maybe it was because I wasn’t in the mood, or maybe it was because I filled the house with chlorine gas the night before.  I don’t know.  But I performed a thoughtless and poorly planned test of these peanut butter cups.  And it shows.  I’ve attached a photo, and will detail my failure for you this week.

I will take your pity, if you wish to give it.

Yeesh!

I am challenged.

29 Sep

Yes, I said that on purpose. But I’m sure I don’t need to remind you folks of just how challenged I am.  Oh, so many challenges, and so little desire to take them on.

Except for one.

A friend of mine constantly sends me recipes from Instructables, and while I won’t break bad on the good and honest hard work of most of the posters, I will happily point out the faults of those corporations that post recipes there as though they’ve got some great insight to share.  They don’t.  They’ve got a vested interest in keeping their secrets, which annoys the shit out of me because I firmly believe that nothing, and I mean nothing, should be a mystery for the home cook.  Plus, hardcore capitalist though I am, I do not appreciate it when The Man invades a creative space with finally accessible information. I fear it won’t be long before the site is just filled with commercials.

Anyway, when he sent me this recipe for Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups, I was excited to maybe get some tips for making this sort of thing at home. The video’s not bad, to be honest, but still: Imagine my annoyance when I discovered a video from Pepperidge Farm instead of great, practiced advice from someone who’d labored over these things forever because for her, Reese’s are all right, but they’re just not good enough.  You know the type.

Instead it’s a recipe that calls for Pepperidge Farm puff pastry (natch), and gratefully unbranded peanut butter, chocolate, and marshmallows. Not a bad idea, I’ll grant. But if you sit through the video as I did–it’s short, so you can still respect yourself–you’ll note a couple of problems.

1. This is truly a pet peeve of mine: There’s no mention of just how cold the kitchen needs to be in order to work properly with pastry. I understand that this is processed puff pastry, and if you’ve ever made it, there’s certainly no shame in using the prepackaged stuff. I’ll never judge. But even as processed as it is, for the best results, you need to set your A/C very low. Or, if it’s winter, open a window. If you think you’ll get cold, well, you will. But you won’t die. So suck it up and move fast.

This reminded me of the current restaurant habit to, um, artfully pile all your food in the middle of a white plate, like a very expensive recreation of "Close Encounters of the Third Kind." Not a fan of either.

2. The three remaining ingredients are placed in the middle of the dough in a little pile, and in this order: Peanut butter, chocolate, marshmallows.   The video also advises you to use sweet chocolate, but combined with marshmallows this will most assuredly be a cloying mistake. You’ll want to use 60% at least or, better yet, a Special Dark bar. Everybody loves those things.

3. You can probably predict the next problem: Light-brown puff pastry… light-brown peanut butter… and marshmallows that carmelize to a lovely shade of… light brown. That’s a lot of brown, people.

What can brown do for you? Nothing.

I think the marshmallow is a nice counter to the peanut butter–I’m fascinated by the combo, actually–but it’s got to be incorporated in a better way. Easy solution: Mix the peanut butter and some marshmallow fluff together. This would also offer more stability to the peanut butter, which has a rather unattractive melt.

Breaking this apart on film was a mistake, no?

Finally, I really don’t think puff pastry is the best, most attractive vessel for these three ingredients. Puff pastry is awesome, yes, but a tartlet, I think, would be far superior. It’s more work than dumping stuff on prepackaged puff pastry, yeah. But a nice, bright shortcrust, filled with a sweet-salty peanut butter mixture and topped with, say a medallion of dark chocolate? Now, that would be pretty.

I think I’ll do it.